I have recently been reading the blogs of my future co-workers, particularly woman my age who posted about their first year teaching in Kenya. As I read, I'm reminded of the difficulties of moving to a new country. And the truth is... I'm getting nervous. What about losing my independence sounds good? I'm going to be really bad at living life for the next few months. Everything will take me forever to figure out and do - simple things, such as buying groceries and transporting myself across town. I remember the sensation from previous experience - adult turned four year old with one 28 hour flight. These are things I don't look forward to. I have been so excited about living overseas "well" this time. It will be so different than when I was 22, right out of college, and had no clue how to live my life or teach in a classroom whether in America or abroad. So this time I feel like it should be so much better because I'm older, wiser (hopefully), and know who I am. But will it really be easier? In some ways, no. This realization is beginning to hit me these days.
Right now it's 6:00 in the morning. I've already been up for an hour, which means I got four hours of sleep since I stayed up too late looking at those blogs. I don't sleep well these days. My mind starts wondering to my new home, new life, and new "family". Will they like me? Of course they will, you say. But will I truly find community? I'm leaving a pretty dang good one behind!
Please don't get me wrong... I'm super excited to go. I'm so ready. I know this is what God has spent the last several years preparing me for. I know it's exactly what I should be doing. But doses of reality are seeping into my expectations, and it's a good thing. Unmet expectations, ones that aren't realistic, cause stress and frustration. So I'll take the spoonful of reality I'm being served and praise God that He is going to do amazing things in me and through me in the next months, year, and years to come. That makes all the anxiety worth it. For sure!
So please pray for me... Sleep filled nights, realistic expectations, and keeping my mind in the present would be nice additions to my last few days in America. And please don't be discouraged by this email. All the emotions and concerns are normal, healthy, and good. It's part of the journey!