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An American in Budapest

The hardest part about living overseas...

Family.

When family passes from this world.

When family joins this world.

Weddings

Births

Deaths

Accidents

Joys

Kids growing

These are the hard things to miss when you're far far away from your family.  

Do we fly home?  

How fast can we get home?  

What is the price of a ticket?  

Does the cost matter?  

When do we go?  

What will we miss?  

But it's part of the choice.  

We know that we will be here for our families no matter what.

Even living far far away.  

And I keep in my mind, everyone is only a plane ride away.  

The hardest part about living overseas is being far away when it's important to be close by.

Today I'm thankful that I can be home when I need to be.

Do it while you're young...?

When I told people in 2008 that I was moving to Kenya, the common response was, "Do it while you're young.  Before you're married with kids."  I was 30 years old at the time and didn't really understand that thinking.  I tried to explain that most of the people I would be working with at an international school in Nairobi had families.  Age wasn't a factor.  But many American friends didn't understand that idea.

I recently read this article that might help those same people understand a little of why people choose a life abroad. Even with kids. This is an interview with a CEO of Vodaphone about his family's decision to move abroad.  You can see the whole article here: Moving Abroad Helped Create Close-Knit Family.

The time in Budapest was the first move abroad from Germany for you and your family. How did you find it?

It was an extremely positive experience. Looking back I can say that our decision to move abroad was definitely the right one. All four of us developed a lot more in Hungary in many respects than we would have if we had stayed at home. A pleasant side effect was also that we spent more time as a family than we probably would have done in Germany. We probably wouldn’t have done so many things together with our children, who are now aged 14 and 17, in Germany as in Hungary. At that age children start increasingly going their own ways. Abroad, in a foreign-language environment, we did more together. I can certainly recommend a move abroad to parents who want to spend more time with their children during their teenage years.

When do you think is the optimal time to move abroad with the family?

If parents want to have it easy, then they should move when their children are still relatively young. However, if they want to give their children an experience that will benefit them in their later lives, then it’s best to choose a time when children can consciously recognise the possibilities of the host country and take full advantage of them, as in our case. Essentially, however, there is no right or wrong time, just like for many other things such as marriage, having children or building a house. It’s always the right time. Of course there are always arguments against moving abroad. You need to be aware that it will always entail some compromises and sacrifices. But it helps to concentrate on the positive aspects. We managed that fully. We certainly didn’t regret our decision to move to Hungary in 2009. It must be said, however, that Budapest made it extremely easy for us. I’ve rarely experienced a city that is more welcoming to foreigners than Budapest, and I’ve seen quite a lot of the world. I wasn’t once reproached in Hungary for not speaking or barely speaking Hungarian. Nor can I report any negative experiences generally with regard to our status as foreigners. We had many guests from Germany during our time in Budapest and all of them were pleasantly surprised and much taken with the capital and Hungary. Budapest is simply one of the most beautiful European capitals. It is a good place to live with children. We never had to worry seriously about safety. The public transport in Budapest is also very good.

My time abroad has held a lot of surprises and experiences that I am very grateful for.  Just like this man stated, I think I've developed a lot more than I would have living back home.  My perspective of myself and the world has evolved from experiences like living next to a Nairobi slum, loving on kids with HIV, and hearing a Hungarian friend talk about life during communism.  I am better because of my choices to live overseas.  This is why people choose this life.  Whether they're 20 or 80.

And it's a really GREAT adventure!

Observations

Those of us who left America to live in the big global world often get frustrated, annoyed, and moan about our home country.  Just reading the news there is plenty to complain about.  Some of our complaints are founded, others not.  Maybe we like to convince ourselves that our choices to live far away are good ones.  Maybe we like to remind ourselves of the reasons we chose this life style. Maybe we want to think that we know something the people living in America don't know.  All of which is in our heads because truth be told, we don't know anything more than the next guy.  I think we just like to complain, just like everyone back home, who complain about the things they don't like.  And living abroad gives you a different view of the world, including your own culture and own home and own people.  So here are a few observations from an American whose been away for awhile...

America has the friendliest people in the world!  
It's true.  In the midst of going to two stores today, I've had conversations with three strangers who just struck up a friendly hello and enjoyed whatever followed.  The store clerk, the neighbor, the pastor, the person in the grocery line.  They're all ready to be friendly and helpful.  Ask anyone a question and they'll answer with the kindest voice.  Most of the time.  Americans, you win the friendliest people award!

Christian culture is a business.
I watched a commercial on TV yesterday advertising a local church.  Selling your church - seems a little different than Jesus' style from what I read.  American Christianity is an interesting culture.  The more I'm away from the American part of Christianity, the more aware I am that Christian culture is not always God's culture.  Not that all of American Christianity is bad.  But I think sometimes people think that American Christianity is The Way or their church is The Right One.  Just a reminder: Jesus was a homeless Middle Eastern guy, not a middle class American.

Americans are fat for a reason.
Spending 5 hours in the Dallas airport, we saw every terminal and every food option available.  There were no restaurants with genuinly healthy choices.  Almost everything is unhealthy!  Some actually taste good, like Auntie Annie's  pretzels.  Some just don't, like Chili's, where we ate dinner and could hardly get it down.  America IS a fast food nation.  And people are large.  And no wonder, where can I find sushi or Thai or Indian or a steak that does not come in XXL?  I guess I need to get to Portland! :)

One stop shopping is really nice.
Going to one store to get everything you could possibly want is actually really nice.  I know people talk bad about Walmart, but let's face it.  They've done some great business for themselves.  It's convenient.  They have every product you could want or need or use.  And they're cheap.  Or pick Target.  Or Kmart.  Or Fred Meyer.  Or whatever store is near you.  America, I admit that I like your mega stores.

America - I love you and hate you and miss you and can't wait to leave you.  You're my home town.  My family.  Many friends.  And a great place to shop for shoes.  It's good to see you again.

It's funny the things we notice.

In the last few months I've noticed...

My bathtub is so clean.

It doesn't get that grimy ring around it.

In winter

wearing socks

and lots of layers of clothes

keeps your body pretty clean.

And my bathtub too.

All the dirt and grime

that has been impossible to get off my feet

the last three years,

All the dirt and grime,

that would layer on my tub in a week's time,

isn't there anymore.

It will come back again this summer

when I stop wearing socks

and put my sandals on,

but it was something I never would have noticed

if I hadn't spent three years

trying to get the dirt off my feet

and the ring out of my tub.

I'm spoiled!

I'm realizing (now that I'm back in a developed country) that I learned to live quite simply in Kenya. There weren't a lot of options in terms of groceries or furniture or anything really. We lived comfortably, but we didn't have all the conveniences of home, so to say. And honestly, I didn't miss them much. (Although I must admit that I did miss the occasional shopping trip with a girlfriend.) We learned to cook a lot of things from scratch, and were SO excited when they started selling tortillas in the store. Kenya is a gorgeous country and the chaos and laid-back approach to life added to its charm (most of the time). I learned to take things slower and be more patient. I learned to expect things to take days to get done, or sometimes weeks, or sometimes MONTHS. Sometimes it got on my nerves and other times I learned to shrug it off.

Now I'm living in Hungary. A developed country where things actually work. And things are mostly on time. Now, for my colleagues coming directly from the States, I've heard a few complaints about things being slow or not working. But you've got to be kidding me?! In Kenya it took 11 months for Will and I to get residency. Hungary is only 4 weeks! So I'm feeling very spoiled in my new home. Some of the things that make me happy lately include...

Super sonic speed internet

Safety

Drinkable tap water

Instant hot water in the shower

Parks with soft cut grass

Trams, busses, and metros

Shopping malls and big box stores

Nectarines and berries

I guess going from third world to first world will make someone excited about grass. I think living around the world has taught me to appreciate what I have in the moment. There is always something to be excited about and thankful for. In Kenya it was mangos. In Hungary it is blueberries. Maybe next it will be apples in Russia... (Let's hope not! Brrr!!!)

Expectations

I have a tendency to move to countries I've never been. China. Kenya. Now Hungary. When you've never been to the place you're moving, you try to imagine what it will be like. You get excited about the possibilities. You think through the things that are important to pack, when really you don't know what you'll need or miss or want. Then there are The Expectations. You create these in your head even if you try not to. I have to admit that I do have expectations when moving from Kenya to Hungary. I expect things to work properly in Hungary. I expect to go to the park and read a book. I expect to use public transportation. By myself. Whenever I want. I expect my husband not to worry about safety too much. I expect to go running with my iPod. I expect less dirt. I expect more camping and hiking. I expect a lot of white people. I expect to blend in more (until I open my mouth). I expect some frustrations, particularly language ones. And I expect that unsettled feeling for awhile, the feeling that I really don't know how to do things in this country yet and I have to just keep trying. Expectations are inevitable. It's when they're not met that disappointment sets in, followed by frustration, maybe even anger at times. I figure that none of that frustration can be as bad as braving the roads of Nairobi. But then again, maybe I'm wrong. All the moving-abroad-books say to keep your expectations low. Is "reading in a park" too high of an expectation? I'll let you know when I get there.

My life abroad isn't this funny...

I've become a peruser of expat blogs. It's interesting to read about the experiences of other people abroad. This was one of my favorite posts on the expat circuit so far...

Camel Races in Qatar

Three Years in Kenya...

Zero tax returns

Half a car

One rafting trip on the Nile River

One marriage proposal

One wedding

Two jobs

Two car accidents

Two honeymoons

Four homes

Four trips to the US Embassy

Five sightings of Mt. Kilimanjaro

Six trips outside the country

Seven housemates

Eight safaris

Nine trips to the beach

Twenty Swahili words (pathetic, I know)

25 visitors from America

107 children in my classroom

A LOT of road rage

And many friends.

When living overseas is hard...

We had a nephew born this week! Happy birthday to Carson Lucas.

As we skyped with Sam, Holly, and Baby Carson at the hospital, I realized that I probably won't hold that little guy until he's a year old or more. Skype is great, but I can't reach through the computer screen and have those cute, chubby fingers hold onto mine. These are the days when living far from home is just not so fun. Sam, Holly, and Jacob, congratulations. Make Will hold that baby double-time for me when he comes to America. Love you all!

Getting excited!

We are moving in 110 days (that's just over three months), and it's starting to hit me. Mostly, I'm getting excited for a new adventure. As I walk to and from school each day in Nairobi, past the dirt mounds and weaving through traffic, I think how different it will be going to school in Budapest...

Instead of walking over dirt sidewalks with matatus whizzing past me, I'll be walking on tree-lined, paved walkways with a tram going by.

Instead of being the only white face amongst the sea of people, I'll be one of many white faces.

Instead of going through a secured gate with a guard opening the doors, I'll walk out the front door of an apartment complex - no gates, no barbed wire, no shards of glass lining the walls around the compound.

Instead of wearing sandals and sundresses, I'll be headed to work in a coat and boots.

Instead of an African slum next door, I'll have a park and shops and European architecture nearby.

It will definitely be a change. Looking forward to the newness.

CLICK HERE TO SEE A VIDEO OF OUR NEW CITY.